Not That Kind of Girl
John's uptight wife loosens up when he suggests they start a family. An innocent girl's night out and a
lewd suggestion by his friend send John spiralling into a fantasy he didn't know he had. As his secret
comes out Lisa's newfound enthusiasm for intimacy ignites. But will John be able to stand watching Lisa
“Ha! Four of a kind, bitches!” Craig slapped his
hands together and rubbed them after throwing his
cards face up on the table. He reached out and
raked in his winnings.
Terry shook his head. Roy rolled his eyes.
“Come on girls, who’s up for another game?” Craig
asked, his eyes gleaming as he surveyed the cash
in front of him.
“Sorry I’m out,” Terry replied. “Jen would
probably kill me if I lost any more money.”
“Ooh,” Craig said, puckering his lips as he
taunted Terry. “The leash is on tight.”
“Yeah I think I’m going to head home, too.” Roy
Craig waved his hand at the two of them and turned
his attention to me. “What do you say, Ken-doll?”
The nickname had aggravated me from the moment
Craig had coined it. But Craig was the kind of guy
that if he knew something was getting under your
skin, he’d just keep hammering away at it until
I wasn't one to snap easily.
“Yeah, no. I think I’m good. Val’s probably going
to be home soon.”
Craig stared at me, nodding. “Right, right. That
smoking hot wife of yours.”
It was my turn to sigh.
The first Friday of every month that the boys
would come over for a poker game. It was a
tradition we’d started in college Roy, Terry,
Craig and I.
Well, actually, it had just been Roy, Terry and I
at first. Back then we were self-described dorks,
spending late nights coding in the computer lab or
playing MMORPG’s until the sun came up.
Craig was of a different ilk, if you will. Frat
parties and the rowing club were more his scene.
He came from money and had that strong-jawed “the
world owes me things” look about him.
We’d only connected because of a for-credit
tutoring program. Craig was having a hard time in
one of the math classes he needed for his degree
and I was kind of a whiz at math. One of my
professors suggested that I look into the program
because there weren’t enough tutors to meet
So I got paired up with Craig and spent three
hours a week in the library with him trying to
wrap his slightly thick head around advanced
algebra. After two months of that we got to know
Now normally I would have been totally turned off
by a guy like Craig. He had everything he could
ask for. His parents had bought him a car for
college. He got a new laptop every year and always
had the latest uPhone. His dad had a cushy
position all lined up for him at one of his
companies, no matter how well he did at college.
He was there more for the experience and the ride.
But it turned out Craig wasn’t interested. This
only came out at the end of our time together. He
didn’t want any part of the life he’d grown up in.
He insisted he was going to become a carpenter and
was only at college to appease his parents.
I didn’t believe him at first. I mean, come on.
Yeah, right. Guy with a huge inheritance coming
his way one day is going to throw it all away so
he can spend his days sawing wood? I didn’t see
But Craig was adamant. And he kind of grew on me,
obnoxious as he was. So I asked the boys if they’d
mind if I invited him to one of our sessions. I
almost felt a little sorry for him, I’m not sure
The rest, as they say, is history. We’d been
playing the first Friday of the month for almost
six years now. Craig was still as crass and
immature as he’d been when I was his tutor. But
there was something funny about his bro-ish
attitude and off-colour jokes. Maybe because it
took us back to simpler times.
“Hey, Ken-doll,” Craig said, snapping his fingers
in front of my face. “You hear what I say about
your wife? She’s smoking hot. You breed that pussy
“Wow,” Roy said, putting up his palms. “I think
that might be over the line, boss.”
I chuckled despite a familiar tightness worming
it’s way down into my gut. “Whatever. She is
smoking hot. And even though it’s none of your
business the answer is “no.” I have not bred her
pussy yet.” I stared Craig straight in the eye,
because sometimes that’s what you had to do with
Craig to get him back in line. Go a little alpha
He cocked his head and smiled. “What’s your
problem, bud? Your guys not swimming? If she were
mine that belly’d been filled a few times by now.
How long you guys been married? Three years?”
“Unbelievable,” Terry muttered, pushing his chair
away from the table. “You’re unbelievable you know
“Hey I’m just messing, man! Don’t get all Suzy
Shortcake on me and leave in a huff!”
“What does that even mean?” Terry asked. “Who the
fuck is Suzy Shortcake? And this is not a huff.
I’m going home because I’m broke and tired and
wouldn’t mind a few hours sleep before the baby
wakes up. See you guys.” Terry closed the door to
the room and a short while later we heard the
front door slam shut.
“Yeah I’m going to head out, too,” Roy said. He
reached across the table to shake Craig’s hand.
Craig took his and gave it a quick shake before
jerking him forward, nearly sending the small
poker table flying. He burst into a loud and
obnoxious cackle. “Hey sorry, man! I’m just
messing with you!”
Roy shook his head, rubbed his arm and patted me
on the back. “Thanks for the game, Ken,” he said
before seeing himself out.
As soon as he was gone, Craig simmered right down.
I leaned back in my chair and stared at him as he
shifted in his seat and didn’t know what to do
with his eyes. Because this was the real Craig.
The Craig I’d learned about in bits and pieces
over those few months we spent in the library
together. A slightly anxious, sometimes insecure
guy who covered it all up by playing a way over
the top frat boy jerk who called everyone names.
But the reason I still liked Craig, and the reason
I made Roy and Terry sit through games with him,
was because while I went on to med school, Craig
had gone on to become one of the most sought after
carpenters and handymen in the greater Metro area.
His parents had been livid. His father had nearly
disowned him. He’d threatened to write him out of
I’m still not sure how that ended, or if it had
But Craig Parker had gone out into the world and
become his own man.
No matter how annoying he could be, I had to
“So where is she?” Craig asked, pulling me from my
“She’s having a girls night out.”
Craig eyed me, a little warily.
“What?” I asked.
Craig shook his head. “Aren’t you worried about
that shit, man?”
“Girls night out?”
I frowned, not sure what I should be worried
about. “Why should I be worried.”
“Dude, Valerie is a fucking fine looking woman,”
“So? So you’ve got to lock that shit down,” he
said, stabbing a finger into the poker table.
“Lock it down?”
“I mean you better put a baby into that so she
knows where home is. You just let her go out to
girls night with the girls? How do you know where
she is right now?”
I shrugged. “I don’t. They’re probably at a coffee
shop or something.”
Craig raised an eye. “Yeah. Or, like, a strip
The idea was so absurd as to be laughable. So I
“Why are you laughing?” Craig asked.
“Because Val would never, not in a million years,
set foot in a strip club. She’s not that kind of
girl,” I said, drying a tear from the corner of my
Craig shrugged. “You think guys never make a pass
at anyone in a coffee shop?” he asked. “I’ll tell
you when they definitely won’t make a pass. When
they see a pregnant woman. That shuts everything
I rolled my eyes. “You’re hilarious, you know
that? And stop saying Val’s hot around Terry and
Roy. It makes them uncomfortable.”
“Whatever, man. Suit yourself. I wish I had a
woman I could trust like that.”
“Okay, well, thanks for the advice. You better get
going she’s going to be home soon. You still good
to start the bathroom next week?”
Craig stood up and nodded, folding the wad of
bills he’d arranged on the table into his pocket.
“All good,” he said, then grinned. “If you’re sure
you don’t mind me being alone in the house with
your wife all day."